Questions That I Am Asked Frequently* by Jeff Shelby, author of Liquid Smoke
I am asked many questions frequently. Or, at least in my head, I am asked questions frequently. Or maybe that is just the voices. Sometimes it is hard to tell. The voices can be loud and kinda pushy. Anyway, here are some questions that I may or may not be asked frequently.
Q: Is your book, like, a REAL book?
A: Yes. It’s totally real. It has words and everything. It’s very real. As is the pink elephant standing next to you. Watch out, it’s about to pee on you.
Q: Is your book any good?
A: No. It’s GREAT. It’s so GREAT you’ll probably want to quit your job and travel the world, telling people about it. If you wanna go to Mongolia, I’ll probably go with you. I’ve never been there and I hear they have great BBQ. And I hear they love great books. Like mine.
Q: Are you rich?
A: No. I’m Jeff. Pay attention.
Q: I have an idea for your books. Can I send it to you?
A: No. I’m already full of ideas. Those voices again…
Q: What is LIQUID SMOKE?
A: It’s smoke that is made of liquid. Duh.
Q: Why do you have such awesome hair?
A: (Blushes) You think?
Q: Are you going to write more Noah books?
A: Yes. Unless I don’t. But I will. Maybe.
Q: I heard you wrote a book called STAY AT HOME DEAD but you’re using a different name, Jeffrey Allen. What’s that all about?
A: Where did you hear that? Did you tap my phone? Because it’s true. Look for it in January. And stay off my phone.
Q: What’s the hardest part about being a writer?
A: Counting all the money we make. (BURSTS INTO LAUGHTER) Kidding. Um, probably writing the first word of the story.
Q: Did you always know you wanted to be a writer?
A: No. I always wanted to be a baseball player. But the Padres got a restraining order and it’s all awkward now.
Q: If you could write one piece of advice about being writing, what would it be?
A: Write. And don’t let pink elephants pee on you. Ever.
*It’s quite possible that I’ve never been asked any of these questions frequently and that’s why I answered them so poorly.
(Copyright 2011, Jeff Shelby)
Liquid Smoke: A Noah Braddock Mystery (Tyrus Books, $15.95, 300 pages) will be released on August 22, 2011. Jeff Shelby is the author of the novels Dead Week, Killer Swell and Wicked Break. He lives in San Diego, and sometimes responds to the name Jeffrey Allen. But then sometimes he doesn’t.